Love v/s Attachment

Have you ever seen "conjoined twins", if not in real, at least in pictures? They are joined/ attached to each other. When one sits, the other has to sit. When one stands, the other has to stand. Basically their lives literally revolves around each other. Medical science has made it possible to surgically separate them. Don't you think they are much more comfortable now? One can sit or stand irrespective of the other.

This was a very basic idea which shows how attachment can be very baleful. People often confuse attachment with love. What many of us fail to understand is that- they are completely opposite.

Attachment is a very strong emotional bond that you have with someone or something. Love is a direct feeling. Humans get easily attached- be it with people or cars or animals- it can be anything. Humans are self-centred. When you are attached to someone, you don't love them. You love how they make you feel. You love how they feed your needs, your attention. They fill a void in your life (which can be filled by anyone) but love is when a void is created when they leave (which cannot be filled by anyone else). Love is a godly word and it cannot be defined. You can be attached to many people, but you love only few. If an image pops up in your head as you are reading this, you have already met your love. 

Many of you must have across this quote-

"Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

Love is when you want to keep the other person happy. You find ways to make him/her feel special, to take care of every minor detail or need. You want to make their lives easy. You don't count or you are not keeping score of what you have done or what you have failed to do. You don't count the apologies or "I love you"s. 

Attachment is when you want the other person to keep 'you' happy. Attachment is demanding and forcing someone to stay even when they don't want to. Love is liberating. 

If the other person doesn't seem to be happy with you, love makes you leave. Attachment makes you stay. 

Attachment is ego-boosting. Love is ego-reducing. Quarrels, fights, arguments- they happen and it's natural. No two people are alike. People may argue everyday, they may argue once in a blue moon. What actually matters is how they are handled. Let me tell you how attachment and love handles it.

Attachment values 'you' over 'them'. You will value your ego and pride. You will dig up all excuses to make them feel bad about themselves and to make yourselves feel good. You will portray that you have been doing a favour on them and the ego-game starts. You want them to take the next step towards you while you sit back in ease. Whereas, love values the person, the emotions, the efforts. You will dig up all the past good memories together to make you feel better again and to push you towards solving the issue. You will reminisce whatever the other person has done for you. You will wonder what triggered their reaction. It must be some action. Afterall, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. In a game of love and hatred, ego always wins. 

Destiny may mess things up. There is a period of 'detachment' in everybody's life. You may think the other person is better off without you. This is the next criteria to distinguish attachment and love. Attachment is when you feel the need to talk to this person, to feel happy, to feel loved. Love does not need all that. It’s unreasonable. You will crave for them, no doubt, but you value their happiness and peace over yours. The moment you realize they actually need you, you won't hesitate to go back. Attachment won't wait for that moment.

Obviously some degree of attachment is present in all forms of love. But that attachment should be healthy. You shouldn't depend on it. Attachment is conditional love. Detachment is unconditional love. 

When we are attached to someone, our feelings resonate with theirs. We feel their pain, we can feel their emotions. You cannot be happy when they are sad. When they are unstable, we fluctuate. This happens with our parents too and that's essentially why we turn to counsellors when we need guidance. Counsellors are not attached with us. They hear our problems with a stable mind and reflect back the same stability. 

It is difficult, no doubt, not to feel any pain when our loved ones are suffering. It's impossible. But we can learn to control it. When they are irritated, we should try to remain calm. When they are upset, we should try to radiate good vibes. Our state of mind shouldn't fluctuate with the situation and stimulus.

Falling in love is not in our hands. But maintaining it is a choice. Love is alchemy. It's all about "equal" efforts, backed up with actions and fuelled by intentions.